


Green-Eyed Monster

by AgtSpooky



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-09
Updated: 2007-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:06:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgtSpooky/pseuds/AgtSpooky
Summary: The weight of unrequited love lay heavy on Jensen’s shoulders, and it was getting more difficult by the day for him to bear it up. But will an unexpected kiss finally change everything?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title** : Green-Eyed Monster  
**Author** : [ ](http://agt-spooky.livejournal.com/profile)[**agt_spooky**](http://agt-spooky.livejournal.com/) **  
Pairing** : Jensen/Jared  
**Rating** : NC-17  
**Word Count** : 11,905 (total for both parts)  
**Genre** : Angst, First-time  
**Warnings/Spoilers** : None  
**Disclaimer** : It’s RPS, people. It never happened, but I wish it would. :-)  
**Author’s Notes** : Many thanks, as always, to my wonderful beta, [ ](http://charityflint.livejournal.com/profile)[**charityflint**](http://charityflint.livejournal.com/) , for her help and input. Thanks, sweetie!  
  
**Summary** : The weight of unrequited love lay heavy on Jensen’s shoulders, and it was getting more difficult by the day for him to bear it up. But will an unexpected kiss finally change everything?  
  
This was written for my Sweet Charity winner, [ ](http://purelyironic.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://purelyironic.livejournal.com/)**purelyironic** . I can’t thank you enough for bidding on me and I truly hope you enjoy your “prize”. 

**Author’s Notes 2** : The mention I make of Jensen and Jared filming the end scene of _Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things_ was taken from many fan reports from the Asylum convention, where Jensen said Jared did go after him. Though of course I did embellish it just a bit. :-) And the mention I make of the watch is also true, again from Asylum reports, but I just made a guess here as to when Jared gave it to him.

**  
**

**Green-Eyed Monster**  
By AgtSpooky

June 26, 2007

Jensen turned away from the bar and leaned against it, observing the party around him as he raised his glass to his lips and sipped his drink.

Christmas hiatus was upon them at the CW, filming on all of the series having wrapped the night before, and the big wigs at corporate were throwing a party for the cast members only. No press, no higher ups – just the actors themselves. And damn near everyone had shown up, too, from Mike, Tom, Allison and Kristin to Alexis and Lauren and yes, even Chad.

Instead of having the party at a restaurant, the CW had rented out an enormous home in Vancouver and decorated it to the nines. Everywhere Jensen looked there was garland and tinsel, poinsettias, blinking red and green lights, candy canes and a twelve-foot tall Christmas tree in the main room, in front of the bay window.

Waiters and waitresses moved about the downstairs, through the open doorways that connected the different rooms, with platters of hors d’oeuvres and trays of champagne glasses that disappeared as quickly as they were brought out from the kitchen.

Jensen sighed and turned away from the laughing, smiling faces of his friends and co-workers, trying to block out the tinny Christmas music emanating from the speakers behind the bar. Instead of being in the holiday spirit himself and looking forward to his two week vacation, all Jensen felt was depressed.

His mother had called two days ago and told him not to come to Dallas for the holidays – both she and his father had come down with a terrible case of the flu a week earlier and they still weren’t over it, in no condition to entertain, and afraid that Jensen would catch it as well. She apologized for waiting so long to tell him, hoping that she and his father would have gotten over the illness by now, but they were still quite sick.

Saddened at the prospect of not seeing his parents, but still wanting to see his brother and sister, Jensen said that he would still come to Dallas and just stay with Josh instead. Until his mother told him that Josh and his wife would be going to Nevada to spend the holidays with his in-laws now and that Mackenzie was taking the opportunity to spend as much time as she could with her new boyfriend.

So now here he was, stuck in Vancouver for both Christmas and New Years – alone.

He’d thought about trying to get a flight down to L.A., but what would be the point? Chris wouldn’t be there, he was going to Oklahoma to be with his family and Steve was going to be down in Pasadena with his. He’d be as lonely down there as he was up here. Just without the snow.

Jensen took another sip of his drink and glanced around for Jared, who had disappeared to take a phone call. He hadn’t told Jared that he wouldn’t be going to Texas, because he knew what would happen. Jared would instantly invite him to go to San Antonio with him and stay with his family for Christmas, then go to L.A. with him to spend New Years with he and Sandy.

He loved Jared’s family and enjoyed the few visits he’d made with his friend to his childhood home, and would’ve taken Jared up on his offer, if not for the second half of the trip. Because saying ‘I don’t want to go to L.A. with you because I hate your girlfriend’ probably wouldn’t go over too well.

No, that wasn’t true. He didn’t hate Sandy. She was actually a lovely, sweet woman who had never been anything but nice to him. It was jealousy, pure and simple, because Sandy had what Jensen desperately wanted – Jared. 

While Jensen didn’t go around announcing he was gay, he didn’t hide it, either. After the pilot was picked up, and he and Jared became such close friends so quickly, forming a bond, a connection like Jensen had never felt with another person, he’d told Jared he was gay. Wanting to get it out in the open right off the bat, before he heard it from someone else.

Jensen remembered his heart pounding that night at his house, his mouth dry as he tried to get the words out, to tell Jared about himself, deathly afraid that Jared would turn away from him, ending a friendship that had the potential to be something incredibly special.

But Jensen’s fears turned out to be unfounded, as Jared had barely blinked at Jensen’s admission, instead smiling softly, squeezing Jensen’s shoulder and thanking him for trusting him enough to tell him.

And that had been that. Their friendship had only grown from there, that connection growing stronger until one day Jensen realized that things had changed. That somehow along the way these past two years he had slowly but surely fallen in love with Jared.

And while their friendship had survived Jensen’s confession about his sexuality, he harbored no hope that it would survive this confession. How could it? He knew that Jared could never return his feelings. Jared was straight, in love with a girl and in a committed, long term relationship. If he told Jared he had fallen in love with him, nothing good would come of it. It was one thing to tell someone you were gay and have them accept that. But to then tell them you were in love with them? No. A rift would form between the two of them, with Jared growing uncomfortable around Jensen and Jensen would lose the most important friendship he’d ever had.

So he tried to bury his feelings. Tried _so_ damn hard. But Jared was always _right there_ , the two of them practically connected at the hip. Jared with his innocent, flirting, touchy-feely way about him, having no idea what it was doing to Jensen.

The only outlet Jensen had for his feelings was Dean. Dean, who loved his brother and could show it, unlike Jensen himself. So he poured out his emotions in the form of a fictional character. It probably wasn’t healthy, but it was the only release he had.

He tried to tell himself over and over to let this…crush he had on Jared go. To find someone who _was_ available, that could return his feelings, not someone who kissed his girlfriend and pulled her close.

But when you work 12 to 14 hours a day, six days a week, it doesn’t leave much time for dating, and so the weight of unrequited love remained heavy on Jensen’s shoulders. And it was getting more difficult by the day for him to bear it up.

Jensen rubbed his eyes with one hand, feeling the beginnings of a headache, wishing Jared would finish up his phone call. He wanted to tell his friend he was leaving, even though one of the rooms upstairs had been reserved for him, the CW wanting their actors to enjoy themselves without having to worry about getting themselves home. 

The thought had no more than crossed Jensen’s mind when the familiar tall form of his friend appeared through the front door, brushing snowflakes off of his broad shoulders, covered by his black suit jacket. 

As Jared stood for a moment, looking around the room, Jensen once again saw the lines of tension on the younger man’s face. Jared had been…off this past week. He was a bit more subdued, and Jensen had seen him staring off into space more than once. It was subtle, and he doubted anyone else had noticed, but Jensen knew something was bothering his friend.

But when Jared saw him standing at the bar and caught his eye, Jared’s face brightened immediately, breaking out into a smile that Jensen couldn’t help but return.

Jared’s long legs carried him across the room and to the bar in just a few strides, stopping next to Jensen and motioning for a beer from the bartender.

"Everything Ok, man?" Jensen questioned.

"It was just Sandy, it was nothing," Jared replied curtly with a wave of his hand, dismissing the subject quickly. "So what do you say we go see how drunk Mike is, see if we can get him dancing on the table?" Jared asked with a smile.

Jensen shook his head. "As tempting as that sounds, I’m gonna call it a night and head home."

"What? Aww, no way! It’s still early! And besides, I thought you and I were staying here tonight."

Jensen shrugged. "I’m wiped and I don’t think I could get any sleep with all this going on down here."

"C’mon, stay for just a little while longer. Please?"

And there it was. The patented Jared Look. The one Jensen was helpless to resist, finding it impossible to say no to Jared when it was turned on him. No wonder the fangirls melted when Sam made that same expression on the show. Lord knows he did.

Jensen sighed in defeat. "Ok. One hour."

Another smile lit up Jared’s face and he threw his arm around Jensen’s shoulders. "That’s more like it! Now let’s go mingle. And make Mike dance."

Jensen shook his head in amusement and rolled his eyes, letting himself be led off into the house.

~~~~~~

An hour later Jensen had to admit he was having a good time. He and Jared were still mingling, wandering slowly from room to room, chatting with their friends and with each other, like they were now, heading toward one of the living room areas. Jared was currently talking his ear off about the new toys he’d gotten Sadie and Harley for Christmas, and all Jensen could do was smile at his friend’s enthusiasm about his dogs.

They reached the doorway between the one living area and the next and Jared came to a stop, casually leaning back against the doorframe, still talking about rubber bones and chew toys. Jensen turned to face him, but not before catching the eye of Allison and Kristin, who were sitting on the couch inside the next room, talking and laughing with each other. He smiled and winked at them before looking back at Jared, who was now talking about getting doggie boots for Sadie.

"Ah-ha! Busted, boys!"

Jensen and Jared both turned their heads at the same time, at the sound of Allison’s highly amused voice. Both she and Kristin were giggling and Kristin was pointing up toward the ceiling.

"What the – " Jensen started, looking up – and felt the blood drain from his face.

Mistletoe.

The universe hated him. End of story. 

"Come on, guys, pucker up!"  
"Mike! Tom! Look who got caught under the mistletoe!"

Allison and Kristin’s teasing voices blended together, and were soon joined by whistling and cat calls from everyone else in the room, becoming a dull roar in Jensen’s ears.

Jesus Christ. This could _not_ be happening to him.

Jensen looked quickly away from the offending plant, back at Jared, just in time to see…something…flit across the younger man’s face, too quickly for Jensen to identify, before it was replaced by a leering smirk and waggling eyebrows.

Jared crooked his finger at Jensen, motioning him closer, but Jensen was rooted to the spot, so the taller man pushed away from the doorframe and was up in Jensen’s personal space in one stride. Jared bent his head to whisper in Jensen’s ear.

"C’mon, Jen, don’t want to disappoint our audience, now do we?"

Jensen put a hand on Jared’s chest, trying to stop this, but he only got as far as, "Jared, wa – " before Jared’s lips were pressed against his.

Jensen’s eyes slipped closed of their own accord at the soft, chaste kiss, but when Jared wrapped his arms around his shoulders and bent him backwards in a dip, his eyes flew open and his mouth opened in a startled gasp.

That was his first mistake.

The moment his lips parted, Jared took full advantage, slipping his tongue inside Jensen’s mouth.

His second mistake was sliding his own tongue against the younger man’s, tasting Jared for the first time. The yells and clapping of their fellow actors could barely be heard over the pounding of Jensen’s heart in his ears as Jared reciprocated. Jensen couldn’t help the soft noise he made and suddenly Jared was breaking the kiss, straightening up quickly, pulling Jensen up, too.

They locked eyes and Jensen struggled to name the emotions that crossed Jared’s handsome face, all laughter and teasing gone, replaced by something much more serious. Then Jared swallowed deeply and strode quickly away, never looking back.

Fuck.  
  
FUCK.

~~~~~~~~

The door to Jensen’s room upstairs slammed open, crashing against the wall as two male bodies stumbled through, the taller one kicking the door closed behind them, drowning out the sound of the party downstairs.

Hands were everywhere, frantic, pulling at clothing, mouths nipping at exposed skin. Breaths came in short, hard pants as Jared pushed Jensen up against the wall, hard, before claiming his mouth for a deep kiss.

Jared’s hands dug sharply into Jensen’s hips, and Jensen moaned. This…this was the difference between two men having sex and a man and a woman – the roughness. Women were too soft, you needed to be careful all the time, but two men could just let go – push and pull and bite and leave bruises – and it turned Jensen on something fierce.

And he could give as good as he got.

In one swift move, Jensen reversed their positions, never breaking the harsh kiss, pushing Jared up against the wall, pinning him there with his body. He bucked his hips into Jared’s groin, and this time it was Jared’s turn to moan as Jensen felt the hard ridge of the other man’s erection press against his own through the fabric of his dress pants.

Jensen broke the kiss, breathing heavily, his lips wet and puffy, running his thumb across Jared’s bottom lip, sucking in a breath as Jared’s tongue flicked out to lick it.

Then Jensen was dropping to his knees, mouthing at Jared’s cock, hidden behind slacks and boxers.

"Oh fuck, god yes, Jen, please…"

The words tumbled from Jared’s mouth as Jensen unbuttoned and unzipped Jared’s pants, hooking his fingers around the waistband of them and Jared’s boxers. He pulled them both down, easing them over Jared’s swollen cock, letting them pool at Jared’s feet.

He wrapped one hand around Jared’s erection, hot and heavy in his palm, silk and steel, and his other hand cupped Jared’s balls, rolling them in their sac. Jared groaned and Jensen licked at the head of Jared’s cock, gathering up the drops of pearly liquid at the tip. He stroked Jared once, twice and the younger man bucked his hips.

"Jesus, Jen, don’t tease…"

Jensen looked up with a smirk at Jared’s pleading voice. "What do you want?"

Jared pushed his hips forward. "Suck me," he ground out.

Never one to deny his friend anything, Jensen smiled, opened his mouth and let Jared’s cock slide past his lips. Jared’s musky taste exploded across his tongue and both men moaned at nearly the same time. 

Jared was proportionally large all over, but Jensen did his best to take as much of Jared’s erection in his mouth as he could, his one hand covering the rest, the other gripping Jared’s hip, holding him in place. Jensen felt Jared’s large hand settle on the back of his head as he began to suck and stroke his cock.

Jensen bobbed his head, loving the feel of Jared’s cock heavy on his tongue, sucking on the head, dipping his tongue in the slit to taste the precome there, pressing against the little bundle of nerves under the crown, feeling Jared jerk at the sensation.

"Feels good Jen…god, feels so good…mmmm, harder…"

Jensen obliged the younger man, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked, gripping Jared’s cock firmer as he stroked.

"Yeah, christ, just like that…"

It wasn’t too long until Jensen could feel Jared straining against the hand on his hip, knowing he was close. So Jensen let go, a silent signal to Jared to fuck Jensen’s mouth, to get himself off.

And Jared did, releasing a deep moan as he started to pump his hips in short thrusts, as Jensen kept up the sucking pressure, humming around Jared’s cock.

"Oh god, oh fuck…I’m almost…"

And with a broken off cry, Jared came, his cock pulsing in Jensen’s mouth, spilling wet heat down Jensen’s throat.

Jensen swallowed repeatedly, releasing his own moan at Jared’s taste, feeling a jolt in his groin. His hand fumbled at the zipper of his pants, needing to touch himself, his neglected cock making itself known as it throbbed within it’s confines.

Jared pulled back as his cock softened, letting it slip from Jensen’s lips, his face flushed, breathing heavy, just as Jensen pushed his pants down far enough to take himself in hand. He had no more than stroked himself once, when Jared was pulling at his shoulders, urging him up.

"Don’t you dare," Jared smiled wickedly as Jensen stood. "Now it’s my turn."

The next thing Jensen knew, he was being pushed face first into the wall, his pants and boxers down around his ankles, Jared down on his knees, his breath warm and moist on Jensen’s lower back.

Jared’s tongue flicked out, licking Jensen’s back, moving downward until Jensen felt Jared’s hands on his ass, spreading him apart. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath, knowing what was coming, but still unprepared for the sensation of Jared’s tongue pressing against his opening.

"Fuck!" Jensen slapped the wall with one hand as Jared spread him wider, licked harder, until the tip of his tongue pushed past the muscle.

"Oh god…Jared…" Jensen panted, pushing his hips back, wanting that tongue deeper.

Jared teased him mercilessly, with short, sharp jabs of his tongue mixed with long licks, driving Jensen higher and higher.

"More…Jared, c’mon, please…" Jensen practically begged, right before Jared’s tongue pushed in as far as it could, once, twice, three times.

Jensen released what was almost a sob at the sensation, fingernails digging into the plaster of the wall. He felt his orgasm swiftly building deep inside, pushing him toward the edge – when Jared stopped.

Before Jensen could moan at the loss or turn his head, he felt a spit slicked finger take the place of Jared’s tongue. It burned slightly, with the lack of any real lube, but it didn’t really hurt and Jensen bucked backwards, driving it deeper.

"Yeah, that’s it," Jared murmured into Jensen’s ear, standing now, pressed up against Jensen’s side, still naked from the waist down.

While the finger of his right hand slid in and out of Jensen’s body, his left hand snaked around Jensen’s waist to wrap around Jensen’s painfully erect cock. Pleasure spiked through Jensen as he was stroked and fingered at the same time, his breathing erratic.

"Oh god, oh god," Jensen rambled as he pushed into Jared’s hand, then back onto his finger, head dropping against the wall.

"Jesus, Jen," Jared breathed, his mouth right against Jensen’s ear. "I wish you could see yourself…fucking yourself on my finger, fucking yourself on my hand…"

Jensen bit his lip at Jared’s dirty talk, straining for completion, for release, feeling the familiar sensation of climax building once again.

"Yeah, c’mon, get yourself off," Jared continued, nipping at the skin behind Jensen’s ear. "Let me see you, Jen, let me feel you come…"

And as Jensen pushed back one last time, Jared crooked his long finger just so, pressing against that spot deep inside that made Jensen see stars, his orgasm overtaking him in powerful waves.

He cried out as he came, clenching down on Jared’s finger as the younger man continued to stroke him, his release painting the wall and Jared’s hand in thick, white ropes.

"Jared…Jared…"

Jensen woke from the erotic dream with a gasp, in his own bedroom at home, his hips still pushing into the mattress as the last of his orgasm coursed through his body. He trembled through the aftershocks, breathing harshly, feeling the wetness in his boxers. He rolled over onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes.

That kiss.

That goddamn kiss.

As if Jared hadn’t starred in his dreams more often than not lately, now he knew what the younger man tasted like, knowledge he wished he didn’t have. Because now he only wanted more…and he knew he’d never have it.

~~~~~~

The next week passed agonizingly slowly.

With nothing to do here in Vancouver by himself, it left Jensen with too much time to just sit and think. Like now, as he sat on the edge of his bed and watched the snow fall softly outside his window.

Maybe this two week separation from Jared would do him some good, to try and get a handle on his feelings before they spiraled even more out of control.

And he knew it was his own fault. He read too much into Jared’s touches and his smiles, wanting Jared to reciprocate his own feelings so bad that he invented hope in his own mind when there was really nothing there but Jared being…Jared. It wasn’t love that Jared was projecting, just a deep, caring friendship that Jensen was trying to twist in his head to mean something more.

Like that kiss.

It was just another of Jared’s jokes. That’s all it was. But if only Jared had smiled and slapped him on the back, instead of looking so…confused. Because it again left Jensen feeling hopeful that maybe Jared had liked it, that there was a chance…

Jensen scrubbed his hands over his face. Stop. Just _stop it_. He had to let this crush on Jared go. Nothing would ever come of it. He couldn’t put his heart through this anymore.

He sighed and reached for the bedside lamp, turning the switch, plunging the room into darkness, wishing that he could turn off his feelings as easily as turning off that light.

~~~~~~

Christmas came and went, Jensen having spent the holiday with a six pack and a pizza, watching crappy movies on TV, the only highlight the gift that Jared had given him, which Jensen had saved to open on Christmas morning. It was a watch, identical to the one Jared owned, which Jensen had been practically salivating over since Jared had bought it a month ago. Jensen sat for a long time on his couch, just holding the watch with a soft smile on his face.

Now it was four days after the holiday and Jensen was feeling stir crazy, tired of looking at his own walls for a week. His refrigerator was screaming at him to restock it, so it was a good excuse to get out of the house, at least for a little while.

The other thing missing from his pantry was coffee, so the first stop Jensen made that morning was to this little place that he and Jared had discovered, and had quickly become their favorite place to fill up on caffeine.

Jensen pushed open the door to The Bean Factory, hearing the tinkle of the bell above the entryway announce his presence. The café was fairly empty, making it easy for Jensen to spot the tall man standing at the counter, recognition making him stop, forehead furrowed in confusion, just as the man turned away from the cash register.

He saw Jared’s eyes widen when he caught sight of Jensen, halting for a moment, looking nervous, before walking up to Jensen.

"What are you doing here?" Jensen asked.

"What am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?" Jared countered. "Why aren’t you in Dallas?"

Jensen shrugged. "My parents are sick. The flu. So I ended up not going down there. But what about you? Why aren’t you in L.A. with Sandy?"

Jared’s eyes shifted, looking away, but not before Jensen caught the flash of pain in them. He put his hand on Jared’s arm, tugging slightly.

"C’mon, let’s go sit down."

Jared just nodded and followed Jensen to the back of the café, to a small table near the fireplace. They took off their jackets and sat down across from one another, Jared sipping his coffee.

Jensen folded his arms on the table and leaned toward his friend, his voice soft, concerned. "What’s going on, Jare? You’ve been out of sorts for awhile now. You can talk to me, you know."

Jared nodded and looked out the window. "I broke up with Sandy," he said quietly.

Jensen sat back at the news. "What? When?"

Jared looked back at him, swallowed. "Two days ago. Been thinking about it for awhile now. I know the holidays isn’t the best time to do something like this, but I couldn’t do it over the phone, you know? I needed to see her when I told her."

Jensen blinked, trying to process what Jared had just told him. "Can I ask what happened? I mean, I thought everything was fine. You never said you guys were having – "

Jared’s eyes had been downcast, his fingers fiddling with his coffee cup, but he quickly looked up and pinned Jensen with a gaze so intense that Jensen felt his stomach flip.

"I fell for someone else."

For a long moment hazel eyes locked with green, until Jensen found his voice. 

"You…did?" Jensen asked, that small spark of hope deep inside that he had been trying so hard to stamp out this past week flickered back to life.

Jared nodded slowly. "I didn’t expect something like this to happen. I thought Sandy and I…" He broke off and Jensen had never seen his friend look so…lost.

"I’m confused," Jared continued. "I don’t know what to do. This could mean a big change in my life. And I’m not sure if I’m prepared to deal with it. I don’t even know if this person even feels the same. I mean, I’m pretty sure – "

"Tell them," Jensen said quickly, maybe too quickly, his heart starting to beat faster. "Maybe they’re having the same problem as you and someone needs to take the first step. Be the brave one."

Again Jared nodded, staring back at Jensen with that unblinking gaze. Normally Jensen could read Jared like an open book, but right now his friend was closed off, expression unreadable.

Then Jared was standing, pulling his coat back on, getting ready to leave, and Jensen stood also.

"Hey, you wanna come back to my place?" Jensen suggested. "I’m here to listen if you wanna talk."

Jared smiled softly at Jensen. "Thanks, Jen, but I’ve got a lot to work out in my head right now. I think I need to be alone for awhile."

"Ok, yeah, I understand," Jensen answered. "Just…call me if you need to, or just come over, alright?"

"I will."

Then Jared squeezed Jensen’s shoulder as he walked past him, heading out the front door of the café. Jensen watched him go, then sank heavily back down into his seat. His head was spinning, trying to process the conversation. The way Jared had looked at him, when he said he’d fallen for someone else, and then to say that it would be a big change in his life…were they hints that Jared’s feelings of friendship toward Jensen had changed as well? If not, Jensen had just set himself up to be even more heartbroken, encouraging Jared to confess his feelings to someone that was _not_ him.

~~~~~~

Jared never called.

Filming resumed tomorrow and Jared had never called or come over in the last five days, leaving Jensen feeling nervous and unsure. He kept replaying his conversation with Jared in the café over and over in his head, and he kept coming back to the "big change".

Jensen remembered all too clearly coming to terms with his own big change, finally admitting to himself that he was gay, and the confusion and turmoil it caused him for many years. It wasn’t easy to realize that you were different in the eyes of society…and if Jared was struggling with that…

But he had never called, and Jensen was left floundering in a sea of doubt. Wanting desperately for Jared to return his feelings, but trying to prepare himself for Jared introducing him to his new girlfriend instead.

~~~~~~

The next morning was a whirlwind of activity on set, as it always was after a hiatus. Everyone wanting to catch up with everyone about their holidays, at the same time trying to get everything ready for a day of filming.

Jensen didn’t even have time to be nervous about seeing Jared, as the younger man greeted him with a hug and slap on the back before both of them were hustled off to make-up and wardrobe. The young ladies kept up a constant stream of conversation with them both and then he and Jared were in front of the camera, slipping into their Winchester personas, having barely spoken two words to Jared all morning.

Lunch finally rolled around and Jensen looked about for Jared as he headed over to craft services. The younger man’s scene had ended before Jensen’s, and he had disappeared off the set.

Jensen had his styrofoam containers of food in his hands before he finally spotted Jared, the tall man walking past craft services.

"Hey! Jare!" Jensen called, and his friend stopped and looked to his left. Jensen raised his food containers. "Lunch?"

Jared bit his lip and looked over his shoulder, to his right, before jogging over to Jensen.

"You’re usually the first one in line," Jensen joked. "Where’ve you been?"

"Oh, umm…" Again Jared’s gaze flicked over his right shoulder. "Sorry, I’m – " he hooked his thumb over his shoulder.

"Jared!"

Both men turned at the voice, and Jensen saw his stunt double, Todd, standing a few feet away, dangling car keys from his hand. "Ready to go, man?"

Jensen looked back at Jared, a queasy feeling in his stomach, his forehead furrowed in confusion. He saw Jared’s face break out into a huge smile and the young man raised a hand up. "Be right there!" Jared replied, then looked back at Jensen, an apology on his face. "Sorry, Jen, I’m gonna go out to lunch with Todd." He shifted on his feet. "I’ll, ummm…see you later, Ok?"

Jensen nodded slowly, swallowed. "Yeah, sure," he got out, the queasy feeling multiplying as Jared walked over to Jensen’s stunt double. 

His _gay_ stunt double.

Jensen had known Todd for years, since first meeting him on _Dark Angel_ , Todd’s uncanny resemblance to Jensen earning him the job of stunt double. They quickly became friends, and when Jensen discovered that Todd was gay, they’d become even closer friends, with a common bond. Todd became someone Jensen could always talk to about his struggles with his sexuality, and vise versa.

At the time, Todd was out, but Jensen still had one foot in the closet. It was with Todd as a role model and with his encouragement that Jensen finally stopped hiding by the time he and Todd were working on _Smallville_.

Then here they were, working together again on _Supernatural_. Jensen had introduced Jared to Todd on his stunt man’s first day on set, eager for his two friends to meet.

And the two men had been friendly ever since, Todd joining Jensen and Jared on several occasions to go to a bar or out to eat or watch sports at one of their apartments, but Jensen had never seen Jared and Todd leave the set to go to lunch together, just by themselves.

Until today.

Until Jared had broken up with Sandy, told Jensen he’d fallen for someone else and it would be a big change for him.

Jensen could only stand there and watch, his heart clenching painfully as Todd and Jared walked away, laughing, Todd’s hand low on Jared’s back.

It looked like Jared had worked things through in his head, had come to terms with things and had taken Jensen’s advice to confess his feelings to the person he’d fallen for.

The man with Jensen’s clothes and Jensen’s face but who _wasn’t_ Jensen.

Numb, appetite gone, Jensen dumped his uneaten lunch into the garbage and walked away in the opposite direction. 


	2. Chapter 1

New Page 1

**Title** : Green-Eyed Monster  
**Author** : [ ](http://agt-spooky.livejournal.com/profile)[**agt_spooky**](http://agt-spooky.livejournal.com/)  
**Pairing** : Jensen/Jared  
**Rating** : NC-17  
**Word Count** : 11,905 (total for both parts)  
**Genre** : Angst, First-time  
**Warnings/Spoilers** : None  
**Disclaimer** : It’s RPS, people. It never happened, but I wish it would. :-)  
**Author’s Notes** : Many thanks, as always, to my wonderful beta, [ ](http://charityflint.livejournal.com/profile)[**charityflint**](http://charityflint.livejournal.com/), for her help and input. Thanks, sweetie!  
  
**Summary** : The weight of unrequited love lay heavy on Jensen’s shoulders, and it was getting more difficult by the day for him to bear it up. But will an unexpected kiss finally change everything?  
  
This was written for my Sweet Charity winner, [](http://purelyironic.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://purelyironic.livejournal.com/)**purelyironic**. I can’t thank you enough for bidding on me and I truly hope you enjoy your “prize”.

**Author’s Notes 2** : The mention I make of Jensen and Jared filming the end scene of _Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things_ was taken from many fan reports from the Asylum convention, where Jensen said Jared did go after him. Though of course I did embellish it just a bit. :-) And the mention I make of the watch is also true, again from Asylum reports, but I just made a guess here as to when Jared gave it to him.

  
PART TWO

The pattern continued for the next two weeks, with Jared and Todd hanging out between takes and disappearing together for meals whenever Todd was on set.

As much as it pained Jensen to admit it, Jared was happy again. Gone was the subdued man from a few weeks ago, replaced by a man who looked like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, smiling and laughing again.

And Jensen…

Jensen was dying inside.

It hurt in ways that Jensen couldn’t even begin to describe, knowing now that Jared was interested in men…just not him. So he started keeping to himself as much as possible, retreating to his trailer whenever he could, declining Jared’s offer to hang out and watch the hockey game – needing to put some space between himself and the younger man - his only company the green-eyed monster of jealousy that he could not banish.

He thought about asking Todd how serious it was between he and Jared, but really, why torture himself?

And a week later, it looked like it was a moot question anyway, as Jensen came out of his trailer and spotted Jared walking toward the set gates during dinner break with Matt, one of the guys from the prop department. They were smiling and talking and Jensen watched as Jared reached out and patted Matt on the back, then squeezed his shoulder.

Jensen looked around for Todd and saw him speaking with one of the FX guys, the stunt man not even glancing in Jared’s direction as the younger man walked right past him.

Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion. What the hell was going on? Was Jared through with Todd and now he was out playing the field?? He didn’t even know that Matt was gay!

Another white-hot stab of jealousy lanced through Jensen and he turned and went back into his trailer, slamming the door behind him. He paced restlessly for a moment, his movements jerky. When he thought Jared was straight and had no chance it was one thing, but now…? To have to watch as Jared worked his way from one guy to the next? It was too much.

Jensen spotted his knives on the counter and scooped them up, turning in one fluid move toward the board on the far wall and started throwing, anger behind each pump of his arm, not caring that he missed the target completely each and every time.

~~~~~~

TWO DAYS LATER

The door to Jensen’s trailer opened and he made his way stiffly inside, Jared right behind him, a concerned hand on his back.

"Are you sure you’re Ok?" Jared asked for the tenth time as Jensen sagged against the kitchen counter.

"I’m fine, Jare, really," Jensen replied unconvincingly to even his own ears.

Jared crossed his arms over his chest. "Prove it. Let me see you get your jacket off."

Jensen glared at the taller man and straightened up, then attempted to shrug out of Dean’s leather jacket. But as soon as he moved his right arm his back and shoulder muscles protested sharply. A groan escaped and he sighed in defeat.

"I hate getting thrown against walls."

Jared sighed, his mouth quirking, and shook his head. "C’mere. Let me help." 

Jensen turned around and let Jared lift the jacket and Dean’s outer shirt off his shoulders and down his arms before reaching back with his left hand, over his right shoulder, to gently massage the sore muscle.

"You still have that heat cream stuff in the bathroom?" Jared asked, tossing the jacket and shirt onto the couch.

"Um, yeah, in the medicine cabinet."

"Ok, let me help you get your shirt off and I’ll put some on for you or you’ll really be hurting in the morning."

Knowing Jared was right, Jensen nodded. "Ok, thanks, man."

"All right, ummm, why don’t you bend forward and let your arms hang down a bit and I’ll pull your shirt off."

Jensen did as Jared suggested and couldn’t help starting slightly as Jared’s long fingers skimmed up the bare skin of Jensen’s sides. He still felt the tingle even after the shirt was tossed to the side, and suddenly Jared fully putting his hand on Jensen’s naked back didn’t sound like such a good idea anymore.

"Umm, hey, man, I’ve got this, really," Jensen said quickly when Jared returned from the bathroom, taking the jar of cream out of the younger man’s hands.

But Jared plucked the jar back. "What? Jen, you can’t _reach_. Here," Jared pulled a bar stool away from the kitchen counter. "Just sit down for crying out loud."

Unable to find a way out of this, Jensen tightened his jaw and straddled the stool, his back to Jared. He heard Jared unscrew the cap and a whiff of the slightly medicinal smell of the cream tickled his nose.

Then Jared’s large, warm hand settled on his shoulder and Jensen closed his eyes and bit his lip.

Jared’s fingers started a gentle massage, working the cream into Jensen’s sore muscles, as his other hand settled lightly on Jensen’s other shoulder. Jared continued for another minute or so, Jensen relaxing as the cream warmed his aching back and shoulder.

"Feel good, Jen?" Jared asked quietly, and Jensen slowly nodded, feeling something…shift, the atmosphere changing, becoming charged as Jared’s ministrations slowed, became almost a…caress, both hands now moving against Jensen’s bare skin. One of Jared’s thumbs was lightly sweeping up and down the back of Jensen’s neck while the fingers of Jared’s other hand were wandering down over Jensen’s shoulder toward his chest.

Jensen’s breath stuttered and he became acutely aware of the heat of Jared’s body standing so close behind him. He felt Jared bend down slightly, his face now close to Jensen’s own. Jensen swallowed thickly as Jared’s fingers kept moving downward, until they finally brushed across one of Jensen’s nipples.

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath as the sensation shot straight to his dick and he turned his head toward Jared, just as the other man closed the distance and pressed his lips to Jensen’s.

The kiss was a jolt, bringing Jensen back to his senses, and he jerked away from Jared, up and off the bar stool so fast that he stumbled, knocking over the stool in the process.

He backed away from Jared, breathing fast. "The _fuck_ , Jared?"

Jensen saw Jared’s eyebrows knit together, confusion evident on his face. "Jen? What – ?"

" _What_? Do you think I’m _blind_ , Jared?" Jensen exclaimed, anger and hurt coloring his words. "You tell me you’ve broken up with Sandy, that you’ve fallen for someone else. Just when I think that I – " Jensen cut himself off sharply, swallowed. "The next thing I know, you and Todd are glued together then suddenly you’re with Matt! And now you’re kissing _me_?"

Jensen clenched his hands into fists. "What are you doing, Jared? Seeing what you like? What do you want from me? Just a _quick fuck_?" Jensen spit out, then shook his head sharply, voice rough. "I won’t be another notch on your bedpost, Jared, as you experiment with your sexuality. I just – I can’t believe you’d do something like this to me. I can’t…" he trailed off, throat closing up.

Jared was shaking his head, stepping forward, reaching out a hand toward Jensen. "No, no…Jensen – "

Jensen backed up another step, holding up a hand, stopping Jared. "Don’t. Just – _don’t_. Leave me the fuck alone."

Then Jensen was grabbing his own jacket from the chair, slamming open the door to the trailer and practically running out into the cold winter night air.

~~~~~

Fifteen minutes later Jensen was in his apartment, just standing there in the dark, tremors of anger and hurt running through his body. His breaths were short and shallow and he swiped at his eyes, determined not to let a single tear fall. Not over Jared. Not over what he’d done. He didn’t deserve it.

The sound of the key turning in the lock was loud in the silent apartment and Jensen spun around to see Jared stepping through the door, closing it behind him.

Jensen shook his head, walking forward. "No!" He pointed toward the door. "Get out. Right now."

"I won’t," Jared answered firmly. "I won’t because you’ve got everything wrong, Jen. _Everything_. You’ve got to let me explain. Jensen, _please_."

It was the desperation in Jared’s voice that stopped Jensen from physically throwing the other man out of his apartment. So he nodded once and stepped back, letting Jared come in to the living room, where the younger man turned on one of the lamps. Jensen blinked at the sudden brightness, catching sight of Jared’s wide eyes and stricken expression.

Jensen crossed his arms over his chest. "Start talking."

Jared nodded, swallowed, then unzipped his jacket and laid it over the arm of the nearest chair.

"I’m sorry," Jared began. "I never stopped to think what this might all look like to you, and that’s my fault."

Jensen gave a small nod and bit the inside of his mouth, forcing himself to keep quiet, to let Jared get this all out. The younger man drew in a breath and started once more.

"Let me start with Matt, since that’s the easiest explanation. The reason I’ve been having dinner with him these past couple of days is because he just got two dogs. He wanted to know if his girlfriend could bring them to the set and let them play with Harley and Sadie." Jared spread his arms out, palms up. "And that’s all it was."

Jensen cocked his head slightly. "Really?"

Jared’s voice was soft. "Really, Jen."

Jensen slowly uncrossed his arms. "And Todd?"

Jared put his hands in his pockets, looked down at the floor, then back up. "That’s more complicated."

At Jared’s words, Jensen felt the familiar sharp pain of hurt and jealousy deep in his chest, trying to prepare himself for Jared confirming that he and Todd were in a relationship with each other.

His expression must have given him away, for Jared quickly said, "It’s not what you think. I’m not sleeping with Todd. I’ve just been talking with him."

Taken by surprise at Jared’s answer, it took Jensen a moment to ask, "About what?"

"I told you that I broke up with Sandy because I fell for someone else. Well, it wasn’t another girl. It was a guy." Jared blew out a breath and ran a hand through his long hair. "I’m twenty-four, Jen. That’s pretty old to suddenly be questioning my sexuality, and I was so damn confused. So I went to Todd."

Jared paused to give a soft smile. "And he really helped me, Jen. He answered every question I had, helped me get this straightened out in my head. Gave me some books, some websites. He encouraged me not to fight my feelings. To not ignore them. I know I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m in a much better place now, thanks to Todd."

"He’s the reason I’m out of the closet, you know." Jensen replied. "He’s such a strong person, a good role model." Jared nodded as Jensen continued, a note of hurt in his tone. "But why Todd? Why did you feel you couldn’t talk to _me_ about all of this?"

Jared stepped forward, his voice shaking. "Because it’s _about_ you, Jen. Because _I’m_ _in love with you_. And I was _scared_. Scared of screwing this up because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. So I went to Todd. Because not only is he gay, but he’s known you for longer than I have – knows about a part of your life that I’ve really never seen, and have no clue about. I wanted his help, his advice on how to make this work between us so that I didn’t make a mistake and hurt you." 

Jared was standing directly in front of Jensen now and he reached out, putting his hands on Jensen’s hips. "Because I know you want this, Jen," he said quietly. "You want this as much as I do."

Jensen couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, his heart slamming against his chest as time seemed to slow down and stop at Jared’s words. My god, was this really happening? Did Jared really want…?

Jensen swallowed around the lump of emotion in his throat. "Say," his voice cracked. "Say it again."

Jared laughed, his smile warm and bright. "I love you, you idiot."

Then there were no more words, as Jared tipped his head down and captured Jensen’s mouth with his own.

Desire like Jensen had never known ripped through his body at the kiss. His arms wrapped around Jared’s back, drawing the larger man impossibly closer to him as their mouths parted and came back together again and again. Jensen’s lips parted eagerly at Jared’s insistent tongue, once more craving the taste of the younger man.

Twin groans filled the air as tongues dueled hungrily but tenderly and Jensen felt himself begin to harden inside his jeans. His hands left Jared’s back to tangle in Jared’s shaggy hair, tilting his head just slightly to better kiss him.

Jared’s hands slipped upward from Jensen’s hips, sliding underneath Jensen’s jacket to caress the bare skin underneath. Jensen sucked in a breath at the touch, pulling back from the kiss, resting his forehead briefly against Jared’s.

Both men were breathing heavily, Jared’s face flushed, his lips wet, his hazel eyes huge and desire filled and Jensen knew his own face must mirror that of the younger man’s.

Jensen placed a hand flat against Jared’s chest, over his heart, like he’d done so many times in the past, for countless photos, felt it beating as erratically as his own. He smiled up at Jared, felt the prick of tears behind his eyes.

"I love you, too. God, for so long now."

"I know Jen, I know. I’m sorry it took me so long…"

Then they were kissing again, more urgently this time, bodies pressed tight together. Just as Jensen felt Jared’s erection pushing into his stomach, the younger man whined deep in his throat. Jensen broke the kiss, looking into Jared’s eyes, nearly all pupil now.

"What do you want, Jared? You’re in control here. We’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with. I’ll never pressure you into anything. Just tell me what you want…"

"I want," Jared panted, "Jesus, Jen, I wanna look at you, touch you, want you to touch me, too…"

Jensen smiled. "Now that can be arranged." Then he was tugging on the hem of Jared’s shirt, leading them both down the hallway and into his bedroom, where they fell into each other’s arms again, bright moonlight illuminating the room.

Clothing fell away amidst hungry kisses until there was nothing separating them, hands roaming over hot skin, fingers raising gooseflesh in anticipation. Jensen guided Jared to the bed and the two men lay down, facing each other. Jensen watched as Jared’s eyes took in all of his naked body, sweeping up and down until Jensen started to blush under the scrutiny. He nearly laughed until he caught sight of something akin to panic in Jared’s eyes. He immediately sobered, reaching out to touch Jared’s shoulder.

"Are you Ok? Is this going too fast?"

"Yes…no…I mean," Jared exhaled a long, shaky breath. "I don’t – I don’t know what to do. I mean, I read the books, but they only tell you so much, you know, and I – "

Jensen cut off Jared’s nervous rambling with a kiss. "Jare, it’s Ok, calm down," he said softly. "There’s no rule book for gay sex. It’s just about feeling good, about making the other person feel good, too."

"Show me," Jared replied huskily, his eyes darkening with desire. "Show me what makes you feel good, Jen."

Jensen slowly nodded, licked his lips, then guided Jared’s hand to his chest, fingers brushing his nipple. Jared nodded in response, eyes locked with Jensen’s and rubbed his thumb across the small peak. Jensen sucked in a breath and his eyes went to half mast at the sensation.

Jared smiled at the response and did it again, Jensen moaning softly as the nub hardened under Jared’s touch.

"Yeah, feels good, Jare," Jensen encouraged him, rubbing a finger across Jared’s bottom lip in suggestion. "More?"

Again Jared nodded and Jensen rolled onto his back, Jared rolling with him, his long, hard body half covering Jensen’s. Jensen reached up and cupped the back of Jared’s head as the younger man leaned down. Jensen felt Jared’s warm breath on his chest right before Jared’s tongue flicked out across Jensen’s nipple.

Jensen jerked, fingers tightening in Jared’s hair. "God, yeah, do it again…"

And Jared did, laving Jensen’s sensitive nipple with his tongue, tentatively at first, then bolder, sucking gently then harder at Jensen’s groans, using his other hand to stimulate Jensen’s other nipple at the same time. 

  
Jensen closed his eyes, holding Jared’s head to his chest as jolts of pleasure raced through his body. "Jesus, Jared," he panted, suddenly aware of Jared’s hard cock pressing up against his right leg.

Jensen covered Jared’s hand with his own, pulling gently and Jared let him guide his hand downward, across Jensen’s belly, then lower still. Jared raised his head from Jensen’s chest, locking eyes as their hands bypassed Jensen’s erect cock and instead cupped Jensen’s heavy balls. Jensen’s head went back against the pillow at the feel of Jared’s large palm holding him so intimately. His legs fell open of their own accord as their entwined hands started to move, rolling Jensen’s balls in their sac, tugging gently.

"Just – just like that," Jensen breathed, his arousal building even higher, watching as Jared turned his head to look at their hands, Jared’s mouth falling open slightly in wonder.

Jensen reached up with his other hand and buried his fingers in Jared’s long hair and the younger man turned back toward him.

"I can’t believe I’m here with you – like this," Jared said in amazement, his hand still moving between Jensen’s legs. Jensen just smiled and brought Jared’s head down for a long, deep kiss in response.

As their mouths moved against each other, Jensen slid their joined hands upward until Jared’s long fingers were fully wrapped around Jensen’s rock hard cock. Jensen whimpered into the kiss as he showed Jared how to touch him, stroke him, until his hand fell away.

Jared continued, using his thumb to brush over the crown, smearing the precome that was gathered there at the tip, then pressing against the bundle of nerves on the underside.

"Oh fuck, Jared, god," Jensen gasped, pulling back from the kiss, eyes squeezing shut. His hips bucked up into Jared’s grasp and Jared tightened his hold. Jensen sucked in a breath, feeling the familiar tingle of his orgasm start to build at the base of his spine.

It took every ounce of willpower Jensen possessed to cover Jared’s hand and still his movements.

"Ah, Jare, stop, stop," he panted. "I don’t wanna come yet, not yet."

Jared turned to smirk at Jensen, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "I was gonna make you come?" 

"You smug bastard," Jensen laughed, poking Jared in the ribs. The younger man yelped and Jensen rose up, pushing against Jared’s shoulder, reversing their positions.

He straddled Jared’s thighs, taking a minute to look at the man beneath him, at the long expanse of hard muscle over smooth, flushed skin, feeling small tremors beneath the surface as he skimmed his fingers over the flat belly, in awe as well that they were here together.

Jensen bent forward, bracing his hands on either side of Jared’s wide shoulders, his mouth close to Jared’s ear. "Now I’m gonna find out what _you_ like," he growled suggestively, determined to make Jared’s first time with a man an amazing experience. "Gonna make you fall apart, Jare…"

Jensen stole Jared’s response with his mouth, swallowing down the groan, kissing him hard and deep, until Jared was moving restlessly beneath him, hips trying to pump upwards.

Jensen broke the kiss, his mouth moving wetly from Jared’s mouth across his jaw, nipping there before moving to the long column of Jared’s neck. He licked away the salt until all he could taste was Jared, sucking hard, before moving downward again, to Jared’s bare chest.

He kissed his way from one nipple to the next, pleased with Jared’s reaction to the stimulation as he rolled the nub between his fingers before squeezing gently. Jared arched under his touch, releasing a moan, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s back and waist, trying to press Jensen closer.

Jensen went with it, dropping his hips, letting his cock slide against Jared’s once, twice.

"Jen! God, god, _Jen_ …" Jared cried out at the sensation, trying to buck up.

"Easy, easy, I got you," Jensen soothed, his hands running down Jared’s sides, feeling the muscles jump and tremble under his fingertips.

He shifted positions, moving so that he could draw Jared’s long legs up, bent at the knee, spread wide, so that he could kneel between them. He kissed the inside of Jared’s thighs, moving closer to Jared’s erection, rock hard and leaking clear fluid onto his stomach.

Just before reaching his goal he looked up, catching the young man’s eyes. "Jare?" he questioned softly, seeking permission.

Jared nodded, swallowing. "God, yes, Jen, please…"

Jensen licked his lips, then took a moment to breathe in Jared’s unique musky scent before letting the head of Jared’s cock slide past his lips. Jared’s taste burst across his tongue and he felt his own cock throb as Jared’s hand came down heavy on the back of his head.

Jensen closed his eyes, letting Jared’s breathy moans wash over him as he began sucking and stroking Jared’s cock, swallowing down the precome, encouraging more to leak from the slit as he brushed his tongue over the head again and again.

Jared was heavy and warm in his mouth, silk and steel in his hand and Jensen knew he would never, ever be able to get enough of Jared’s taste, of _Jared_ , period.

Jensen’s own cock was so hard it hurt, aching for release, his entire body strung tight with desire, but he pushed it down, putting Jared’s pleasure before his own, wanting, _needing_ to see the other man fall apart first.

Jared’s breaths were coming in hitching gasps, his head moving against the pillow, eyes squeezed shut, a fine sheen of sweat at his hairline, both hands now bunched in the bed sheets. 

This first time was never meant to last, barely a minute having passed before Jared was crying out, his climax upon him already, trying to warn Jensen.

"Oh fuck, oh Jen, I can’t – ah, christ, I’m gonna – ahhh, yeah!"

Then Jared’s cock was pulsing in Jensen’s mouth, releasing stream after stream of salty bitter fluid that Jensen swallowed eagerly, continuing to stroke Jared through his orgasm, the younger man shaking beneath him.

Jensen finally released Jared when his cock started to go soft, looking up to see the stain of embarrassment color Jared’s face, before the other man covered it with his arm.

"Oh god, I’m so sorry," Jared mumbled.

Jensen pulled his arm away, smirking. "Don’t be. I’m just that good," he wisecracked, winking.

Jared couldn’t help but let out a laugh. "Bitch!"

The response was automatic. "Jerk!"

They shared a smile at the familiar exchange before both of their expressions softened and Jared was reaching out a hand. "C’mere, Jen," he said softly, and Jensen went eagerly, rising up and blanketing Jared’s body with his own as Jared cupped his face and kissed him slowly, passionately, until Jensen’s hips were pumping, his cock riding the crease where Jared’s leg met his hip.

Jensen groaned into the kiss at the blessed friction, painting Jared’s sweat dampened skin with precome. God, it felt so good, he was nearly there, pushing his cock harder against Jared’s body.

But then Jared was breaking the kiss, panting out his question, his want, his need against Jensen’s mouth.

"Jen, will you…I want…I want you inside me…please…"

A new wave of lust and desire slammed into Jensen at Jared’s words, just the thought of being buried inside Jared enough to take Jensen’s breath away. But he tamped down on his reaction to look Jared seriously in the eyes.

"God, Jared, I want that, I do. But I think things are moving too fast. I don’t think you’re ready for that yet."

Jared shook his head. "I am. I mean I bought a – I’ve been using a – umm…"

Jensen watched as Jared once again blushed scarlet as he figured out the meaning behind the younger man’s words. When he did, he leered at Jared playfully.

"You sly dog, you. You bought a dildo, didn’t you?"

If it was possible, Jared turned even redder than before as he nodded. "I wanted to know how it felt."

Jensen’s leer turned smoky, visualizing Jared using the sex toy. He leaned close to Jared’s ear to breathe, "So…how did it feel?"

Jensen heard Jared swallow. "It hurt at first," he admitted. "But then…it felt good. But it was cold and plastic." He slid a hand between their bodies to wrap it around Jensen’s cock and Jensen sucked in a breath. "Not like this. _This_ is what I want to feel inside me. I want to feel _you_ inside me, Jen."

" _God_ , Jared…" Jensen breathed out, his desire ratcheting up another notch at Jared’s words. "I’ll make it good for you, I swear," he promised.

"I know you will," Jared answered with a tender smile.

Then Jensen was moving, twisting his body to open the drawer in the bedside table and remove the tube of lubricant he kept there. He grabbed one of the pillows and placed it under Jared’s hips, tilting up his pelvis, as Jared lay on his back.

Jensen slicked up the fingers of his right hand and moved between Jared’s bent and spread legs. He braced his left hand on the bed, beside Jared’s shoulder as one of his slick fingers just brushed against Jared’s puckered opening. But before he went further he looked deep into Jared’s eyes.

"I want you to promise me that you’ll tell me to stop if this starts feeling uncomfortable for you, or if you just don’t want to do this anymore, _anything_. Because I will _not_ hurt you, Jared."

Jared nodded, laying a hand against the side of Jensen’s face. "I promise," he replied sincerely, drawing Jensen down for a kiss as Jensen slowly pushed his finger inside Jared’s body.

Jared sucked the breath from the kiss and his head went back further into the pillow. "Oh my god…" he groaned brokenly.

Jensen prepared Jared slowly, fingering open his tight body with first one, then two, never going faster than Jared’s urging, deliberately avoiding stimulating Jared’s prostate, not wanting this to be over too quickly. Soon Jared was pushing down, trying to take Jensen’s fingers in deeper, his hands knotted in the comforter.

"Please, Jen…now, please?"

"Just one more, baby…need you stretched so I won’t hurt you," Jensen replied, sliding in a third finger.

Jared stilled at the invasion, lips pressed together, eyes closed, and Jensen felt Jared’s muscles tense. He rubbed Jared’s stomach, trying to get the other man to relax.

"It’s Ok, Jare, breathe out for me, relax…"

Jared nodded tightly and blew out a slow breath, letting his tight muscles go loose once again, relaxing back into the mattress. After another moment he nodded to Jensen and Jensen began stretching him once more, with his three fingers.

It wasn’t long before Jared was trying to spread his legs wider, pushing down again on Jensen’s fingers, panting harshly, his cock starting to lengthen and fill for a second time.

Unable to wait another moment, watching the way Jared writhed on the bed as he finger fucked him, hearing the sounds pouring from Jared’s mouth, wanting _more, now_ , Jensen slid his fingers from Jared’s body.

Jared moaned at the loss as Jensen quickly slicked up his cock with shaking hands then placed the head at Jared’s entrance. He watched in fascination as Jared’s body opened for his cock, drawing him in, as he slowly pushed forward, past the ring of muscle, the head finally disappearing inside Jared.

Jensen gasped as Jared’s body gripped him in tight, wet heat, hearing an answering gasp from Jared before the younger man was gripping his shoulder.

"Don’t stop – oh god, Jen, please don’t stop," he begged, voice high and tight, tipping his pelvis up higher.

Jensen didn’t need any further encouragement, guiding his cock slowly but steadily inside of Jared until his groin was flush against Jared’s balls and both men were trembling.

Jensen felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room as he looked down into Jared’s wide hazel eyes, drowning in the love he saw shining out, and surrounded by Jared so intimately.

"Tell me," Jensen said, voice shaky, "Tell me how it feels…"

"God, Jen, it’s…I feel so full…you feel so good in me…"

Jensen smiled at the thinly veiled wonder in Jared’s words. "It only gets better," he told Jared, then began to move.

Jared’s head tipped back, his mouth dropping open as Jensen slid nearly all the way out of the younger man’s body, until just the head of his cock remained inside, before smoothly sliding back in, in one motion.

"Oh fuck, Jare, Jesus…" he rambled as electric jolts of pleasure raced through his body, coalescing in his cock, as he pumped in and out of Jared. 

Jared’s hands were locked on Jensen’s upper arms, his gaze never leaving Jensen’s, letting Jensen watch as he began to come apart underneath him, a constant stream of incoherent words and moans falling unheeded from Jared’s throat.

Jensen’s arms, braced on either side of the taller man, began to shake as Jared wrapped his long legs around Jensen’s waist, the heel of one foot pressing into Jensen’s lower back. This changed Jensen’s angle of penetration just enough so that on the next thrust the head of his cock pressed against Jared’s prostate.

Jared jerked as if he’d been shot, as the hidden bundle of nerves was stimulated and he cried out sharply, fingers digging into Jensen’s arms. 

"Jen! Oh, christ, do that again!"

He tipped his hips up on Jensen’s next thrust and Jensen pressed in, hitting that spot once again and Jared gave another sharp cry.

"Harder, Jen, please!" he begged, voice hoarse with need.

Jensen snapped his hips forward, feeling his orgasm begin to build deep inside, in his gut, in the base of his spine, in his balls, at the same time feeling Jared’s hard cock trapped between their bodies.

"I’m almost there, Jare…oh god, I’m gonna come…" he ground out, his rhythm starting to falter, but wanting desperately to bring Jared to his second climax first.

"Yeahyeah, do it," the words tumbled from Jared’s mouth, raw and broken. "Ahh, god, deeper…make me come, Jen, make me come…"

Jensen gave one last hard thrust, pushing in impossibly farther, releasing a sob as his orgasm swept through him like a tidal wave, his cock throbbing, coming in long pulses inside Jared, as white spots exploded across his vision, feeling the hot splash of Jared’s come against his stomach.

His arms gave out as the last of the spasms subsided, collapsing onto Jared’s chest, feeling the younger man’s arms come around him, holding him through the aftershocks of his intense climax.

It was long moments later, after their hearts had slowed their pounding and their breathing had returned to normal, that Jensen had the energy to move. He started to shift in Jared’s embrace, to slide his softening cock from his lover’s body, but Jared’s arms tightened around him.

"Do you have to?" he murmured against the top of Jensen’s head, voice groggy and fucked out. 

Jensen smiled against Jared’s chest, and settled back down against him.

~~~~~

They finally did rouse themselves quite awhile later before they fell asleep and became permanently glued together, cleaning up and then crawling under the covers together, arms and legs tangled, Jared’s head on Jensen’s chest.

Jared’s fingers played over Jensen’s skin, drawing aimless patterns as Jensen idly ran his own through Jared’s long hair, both men sated and relaxed. The moment was perfect – quiet and perfect and Jensen didn’t want to break the spell, but the thought laying heavily on his mind needed to get out.

"I never meant to come between you and Sandy," he whispered. "I thought I was hiding my feelings – "

Jared shifted, sitting up at Jensen’s words. "Jen, don’t," he said firmly. "If Sandy was truly the one for me, if we were meant to be together, then this," he gestured between them, "would never have happened. You’ve got nothing to be blaming yourself for, Ok?" Then he smiled tenderly. "As for your feelings – Jen, you’re the most private person I’ve ever known. You keep walls around yourself so that people never really get to know you too well. But sometimes, just sometimes, you let people behind those walls. I can count the ones I know on one hand – Chris, Steve, Jason…and me."

Jared laid his hand on Jensen’s leg, thumb brushing against the skin. "I feel so damn lucky that you let me in, that you let me see all of you. But the thing about letting people in, is that it’s damn hard to push them out once they’re there."

Jared moved his hand, laying it on the side of Jensen’s face. "I saw it in your eyes, Jen," he said softly. "I know you too well now and I realized that something had changed, and that you were trying to hide it."

Jared let his hand fall back down to Jensen’s leg. "I saw what you were doing with Dean, letting your emotions out through him, toward Sam, but it was really toward me."

"I guess I’m not that good of an actor, huh?" Jensen replied quietly.

But Jared shook his head. "You’re an amazing actor, Jen. And I never would’ve picked up on it if I hadn’t been feeling the same way, if I hadn’t let myself acknowledge that what I was feeling toward you had moved from friendship to something…deeper. Especially after we filmed _Children_."

Jensen cocked his head to the side in a silent question.

"Remember the final scene?" Jared asked.

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, I was kinda messed up after that."

"You were. And I’d never seen you like that. The way you just walked off down the road…I didn’t know if you’d let me near you, but I was worried about you – "

"I’m glad you came after me," Jensen interjected, reaching out to interlace his fingers with Jared. "You helped calm me down."

"God, Jen, you were _shaking_. And when I put my arm around you and you just kinda sagged against me…that was it. That was the moment for me, when you looked up at me, tears still in your eyes and all I wanted to do was pull you closer and kiss you and never let you go."

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. "I did some hard thinking after that, confused as hell as to what was going on with me. I was attracted to you, I couldn’t deny that any longer, as much as it scared me, and I was pretty damn sure you felt the same toward me." Jared took a breath. "And then our kiss at the Christmas party…" He trailed off, looking away from Jensen for a moment.

"Jen…I knew the mistletoe was there," he confessed. "I’d seen it earlier and I deliberately stopped us underneath it, hoping someone would notice. I’m sorry," he apologized. "I didn’t mean to lure you into anything, but I just _had_ to know if you really did have feelings for me or if I was misreading things. I was feeling so lost and confused, getting ready to break up with Sandy, to leave the safety and security of that relationship for a _chance_ of one with you. So kissing you was the only thing I could think of, to know how you were really feeling." Jared swallowed. "And god, Jen…I nearly stopped breathing when you kissed me back. And that sound you made…it went straight through me."

"The way you took off, I thought you were pissed at me, or disgusted…"

Jared shook his head. "I’m sorry I left you standing there like that. It just hit me like a ton of bricks – I knew you wanted me, too, now and the ball was in my court. And I just freaked out. Kissing you felt so good, so _right_ , but…"

"But were you really ready to change your whole life to get involved with a guy?" Jensen finished for him.

Jared nodded. "Yeah, exactly. I had a big damn decision to make and I panicked."

"It’s Ok, Jare, I understand. I’ve been there. It’s not an easy thing to do, to take that first step."

"I’m glad we ran into each other at the Factory that morning, the way you told me to tell whoever it was how I was feeling because the other person might not be brave enough – it was all right there in your eyes, Jen. And that decided it for me right then and there. I knew I had to be the one to make the first move, and I was ready for it. So I called Todd the next day and well, you know the rest now. Again, Jen, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"It’s all right, Jare," Jensen reassured him. "Things might not have gone quite the way you wanted them to, but we’re here now, finally, and really, that’s all that matters."

Jared leaned in and murmured against Jensen’s mouth, "I love you," before claiming his lips for a soft, languid kiss. 

Jared sank down against Jensen as their mouths continued to move slowly against one another, hands gliding along bare skin, soothing, as the kiss went on and on.

When they finally parted, Jensen felt dazed, boneless, a lump of pure emotion caught in his throat as he looked up and saw the same expression mirrored on Jared’s face.

"I still can’t believe this is happening," Jensen whispered. "I’m so afraid this is another of my dreams and I’m going to wake up and you’ll be gone."

Jared smiled tenderly at Jensen, put one hand over Jensen’s heart. "This is no dream, Jen," he said softly, leaning in for another kiss. "This is as real as it gets."

THE END 


End file.
